25.6.12

I ran out of white dove feathers to soak up the hot piss that comes from your mouth every time you address me.

You say my name
To make a point
To somehow define
I know how far the line extends
I put it there
From the unfamiliar to prey
And now strangers
From forced friends
It's all the same
It was nothing to begin with
It feels like a healthy empty
It is a new day
Untied
And you, a man unglued
You say my Christian name
Like a counter attack
Am I now wicked?
Your sister, now the villain
A pretty little Rumpelstiltskin
And three times over it tripped out of your mouth
I am both your promise and your curse
Did you find the spell broken?
Or are you still trapped in your own nightmare
Running as fast as you can
Tracking every mile, every moment
I watched from the sidelines
Noting pleasure bought on the black market
Counting every night spent out of the marriage bed
Any bit of empathy I had is gone
And you've fallen from grace
I felt something inside me flutter
And then I felt it again once
And then it was dead
Dried and drawn
You say my name
To make a point
To somehow define
Go on now, baby, you lost this game
I know how far the line extends
I put it there
 

18.6.12

I loved you

Who's gonna give a shit?
who's gonna take the call
when you find out that the road ahead
is painted on a wall
and you're turned up to top volume
and you're just sitting there in pause
with your feral little secret
scratching at you with its claws
and you're trying hard to figure out
just exactly how you feel
before you end up parked and sobbing
forehead on the steering wheel

who are you now
and who were you then
that you thought somehow
you could just pretend
that you could figure it all out
the mathematics of regret
so it takes two beers to remember now
and five to forget


that i loved you so
 
 
yeah, i loved you, so what?

how many times undone
can one person be
as they're careening through the facade
of their favorite fantasy
you just close your eyes slowly
like you're waiting for a kiss
and hope some lowly little power
will pull you out of this
but none comes at first
and little comes at all 
 
 
and when inspiration finally hits you
it barely even breaks your fall.

who were you then?
and who are you
now that you can't pretend
that you can figure it all out
subtract out the impact
and the fall is all you get
so it takes two beers to remember now
and three more to forget
that i loved you so
yeah, i loved you, so what
i loved you
so what?