Now here I go again I see the crystal visions

Teddy bears and sleeping pills
Help me calm the way I feel
Frays the thoughts I don't want to think
Makes me forget the bits that can't be filled
And gulp gulp
A little nap and little drink
Come close while I care
What ever gets me outta here
Whatever train that's going
Is gonna take me there
I give
I know what I give
I know what I give you when I don't put up a fight
Sleeping pills and teddy bears
Yea they're good for a little bit
So that I don't contemplate it too long
So I can learn to not give a shit
I gave
I know what I gave
I know what I gave you
Know that it doesn't make me wrong
Though we know it wasn't right
I can't remember the last time I fell for this
But I've got the bruises on my knees
As evidence
As fresh as last night
But I've got something in me now
That's gonna calm the way I feel
Soften the edges that you left rough
Much worse than I should have ever allowed
Gotta drag myself out of the darkness again
Drag myself into the light
I
I know what I gotta kick
I know what I gotta kick to stop being ill
A sickness that is charging now
It's bloated overdue bill
Pull me through the gates of horn, Morpheus
With a teddy bear and a sleeping pill

And now your secrets keep me up at night

Tonight drag me off, Morpheus
With a teddy bear and a sleeping pill

Pleasures remain/So does the pain/Words are meaningless/And forgettable

Tell you what you want to hear
Feed your vacant heart
Arrange varying degrees of undress
A war of worlds and thoughts
You tortured
And then set me free
Made me question my life
What is punishment
And what is philosophy
The fine line like a filament
Between bitterness
And poetry

Thanks, Rob

There come times in your life when you have a sacred duty to be open to interesting tangents and creative diversions; times when it makes sense to wander around aimlessly with wonder in your eyes and be alert for unexpected clues that grab your attention. But this is not one of those times, in my opinion. Rather, you really do need to stay focused on what you promised yourself you would concentrate on. The temptation may be high to send out sprays of arrows at several different targets. But I hope that instead you stick to one target and take careful aim with your best shots.

Sometimes I need reminders of how to get my shit together.

http://freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/sagittarius.html

Hide yourself in someone else, don't find yourself in me.

I forgive you Magdalena
For all of the bad ideas
The love you so desperately desired
You felt drain out so slowly
You watched navigate around
And somehow filter through you
I forgive you Magdalena
For taking me along for the ride
You thought it would be fun and it was
For a while
Until what once create fantastic friction
Created a fire that you could not put out
And I was in the middle
Like a witch at the stake
I release you from it all
From the lapses in judgment
The terrible mistakes
I cut the strands of hair that still mark where you were
Where you've stood
Where you've laid
tear marked
bloodstained
I shred the ribbons they tried to bind you with
You were a butterfly
They all tried to catch you in their net
And they succeeded, some of them
But then you played dead
And they set you aside
The minute they turned away
You started to fly
Magdalena, I pull the pins that tore your wings
A harsh victory
A glorious mess
A bittersweet memory
I absolve you Magdalena
Of all of the things you swallowed
All of the things you hid
Manifestations of the things you were denied
Real or make believe
Nothing more to confess
I forgive you for everything
Maladies by your hand
And what they did in turn
I release you
Sleep tonight
I forgive you Magdalena

I forgive you

I ran out of white dove feathers to soak up the hot piss that comes from your mouth every time you address me.

You say my name
To make a point
To somehow define
I know how far the line extends
I put it there
From the unfamiliar to prey
And now strangers
From forced friends
It's all the same
It was nothing to begin with
It feels like a healthy empty
It is a new day
Untied
And you, a man unglued
You say my Christian name
Like a counter attack
Am I now wicked?
Your sister, now the villain
A pretty little Rumpelstiltskin
And three times over it tripped out of your mouth
I am both your promise and your curse
Did you find the spell broken?
Or are you still trapped in your own nightmare
Running as fast as you can
Tracking every mile, every moment
I watched from the sidelines
Noting pleasure bought on the black market
Counting every night spent out of the marriage bed
Any bit of empathy I had is gone
And you've fallen from grace
I felt something inside me flutter
And then I felt it again once
And then it was dead
Dried and drawn
You say my name
To make a point
To somehow define
Go on now, baby, you lost this game
I know how far the line extends
I put it there
 

I loved you

Who's gonna give a shit?
who's gonna take the call
when you find out that the road ahead
is painted on a wall
and you're turned up to top volume
and you're just sitting there in pause
with your feral little secret
scratching at you with its claws
and you're trying hard to figure out
just exactly how you feel
before you end up parked and sobbing
forehead on the steering wheel

who are you now
and who were you then
that you thought somehow
you could just pretend
that you could figure it all out
the mathematics of regret
so it takes two beers to remember now
and five to forget

that i loved you so

yeah, i loved you, so what?

how many times undone
can one person be
as they're careening through the facade
of their favorite fantasy
you just close your eyes slowly
like you're waiting for a kiss
and hope some lowly little power
will pull you out of this
but none comes at first
and little comes at all 

and when inspiration finally hits you
it barely even breaks your fall.

who were you then?
and who are you
now that you can't pretend
that you can figure it all out
subtract out the impact
and the fall is all you get
so it takes two beers to remember now
and three more to forget
that i loved you so
yeah, i loved you, so what
i loved you
so what?